Stuck in Time
Over the years, in 'coming along side' fellow believers, for a time, to encourage them in the faith, I've run into those who very much appear to be 'stuck in time'. They've invariably experienced childhood traumas that have seemingly left them still living from that period in their life, going around that well-trod mountain, again and again. They haven't been able to 'move on'. They remain 'stuck in time'.
Oh, they may be competent in the work place, they may marry and have children, they may even hold places of honor in the community.....BUT....... for them, the clock stopped in many ways during that period when life was harder than anyone should have to bear, especially a child. They don't have what is considered healthy, mature emotional skills and so hurt themselves and many of those around them, eventually suffering loss in relationships and elsewhere in life.
I've often seen this compounded by health issues, as their immune system has been compromised by long periods of stress. And the health issues, if there, just add many additional worries.
And what I am coming to understand is that, while yes, they do very much need to have a good understanding of what God's word says about them as a 'new creation' so that the enemies' lies can be defeated,..... and that the annointing of God's truth does break yokes to set people free,....(I am coming to see) that being stuck in time is such a deep darkness of soul, that the slightest bit of LIGHT is very very painful to them and can only be endured in small doses. The heart has been wounded so deeply that it is calloused over with self-protection, distrust, deep hurt, and almost always, anger. Only God knows how to position them through circumstances that will help them receive what they need so that the fortress that enslaves them can be dismantled.
Often, God will use many different believers at different times to stand with and minister to them because it is not a quick process and can wear out one person. But the Bible tells us that love never fails. And this tells me ......that nothing, and no one is too hard for God to handle. His love is patient and long-suffering. He knows right where we are and tells us that we are accepted (right now) in the beloved. He has led captivity, captive.
I believe we are living in a time when God is releasing deep wells of revelation to the Church so that these brutalized souls can be set free. Hasten our maturity Lord!
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Comment by Nicki on March 21, 2011 at 1:43am -
Thats a good description of me Eve! .....except from the "small doses of light"....God is the one person I can trust....so I dont mind large doses of light. But as for letting others (humans) near my heart...no chance!
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Comment by Eve's garden on March 21, 2011 at 12:23pm -
The Mark 4 description of the soil types (condition of the heart) comes into play here. Much is being taught in these days concerning this subject. God wants His people set free. Thanks for your comments Nicki.
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Comment by Adam Goodwin on March 22, 2011 at 4:19am -
This is good.. really good.. a pretty accurate description.. if you have never been through this yourself then God has given you some amazing insight..
your second and third paragraphs though, i would say they were symptomatic of someone that has shut God out of the healing process or they dont know God at all.. to be honest for me going through it actually matured my emotional iq. it was a choice but i had to let it grow me, but to add some weight to your statements it is true about suffering in relationships and elsewhere in life.. it has had a pretty big impact on my life, monumental actually.. but its not unredeemable..
As for the healing process ill just offer this and i think i have wrote it somewhere else.. God must view the heart with incredible fragility, i think if he could he would snap his fingers and instantly heal people like me and nicki, but he doesnt and i dont think he can, because i think to do that he would be breaking a universal law which is why the little quote in Prov. 4 i think is there..
as for the church.. umm yeh well i hope but im not holdng my breath..
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Comment by it is me... on March 22, 2011 at 10:16am -
It's also possible that people can get stuck in viewing other people through a narrow lens and imposing a one-size-fits-all mold on them to diminish their experience, minimize their needs and feelings, and overall strip them of their inherent dignity in an attempt to make the mystery of them "manageable" and "controllable" rather than just doing what God has called us all to do: love them where they are, as they are, according to what they receive as love, rather than assuming some haughty top-down stance or position in their lives that they have not granted us and then pointing fingers at their response to this indignity as "further proof" somehow that they are damaged goods (and we ourselves presumably, by comparison, are not? Pshaw!)
Just saying.
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Comment by Eve's garden on March 22, 2011 at 8:22pm
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Adam...I went back to your home page and read some of your blogs, and honestly I don't get the impression that you are one of those 'stuck in time', as much as you are more likely one who has been greatly impacted by one who is. Their behavior can be very 'crazy making', because it doesn't follow common logic (that is until you find out their unique take on reality...then it follows THAT logic).
Rather, you seem to be moving forward in emotional maturity, and healthy processing of what you have been going through, and even reaching out to try to help those around you (your sisters), who are also being impacted negatively by the same environment.
Nicki......you too have been long-term impacted (as you were growing up) by those 'stuck in time' but you also have moved forward towards health and maturity and outreach to others. I don't see you in this catagory either....but certainly one who had to deal with it's crushing impact from others in your life.
Kudos to both of you for navigating such rough waters!
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Comment by Eve's garden on March 22, 2011 at 9:35pm
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Shortly after I married more than 4 decades ago (still married), I found myself living in a very toxic environment of emotional chaos and recurring storms. Nothing I did brought any change. I tried talking to my husband. I tried counseling, but he refused to continue after two sessions and played mind-games during the ones he did attend. After 8 years of marriage, I found myself approaching what felt like a nervous breakdown from the constant, unrelenting stress of it. But instead of a nervous breakdown, I found salvation in Jesus, and returning health through bathing in His love for me. God had brought good from the horrendous circumstances of my life.
But the environment inwhich I lived stayed the same, so I began to pray and ask God to help me and show me what to do. I very much wanted to leave altogether and make a new life for myself, but God would never give me the go-ahead to do so. So I just kept seeking for answers.
God began to show me in the bible, a cluster of behaviors that could be found working together - the very same behaviors that I continually had to deal with daily. I'd have to check back through my prayer journals to remember all of them, but the few I do remember were.............1. not teachable concerning matters of relational behavior/ hate any mention of their behavior.......2. playing the victim/blame card......3. having a problem with authority (perceive it negatively as trying to control them or tell them what to do)......4. unresolved anger problems......5. huge need to always be right ( emotionally insecure)........6. not moved by the hurtful impact they have on others (conscience seared or at least very undeveloped).......7. react to even gentle criticism as if being greatly attacked.......8. fine with knowing Jesus as Savior but have a problem with Lordship in these relational areas........9. retain little from relational breakdowns that should lead to better relational skills.
Once I saw these things in the bible, I began to see that what looked to me as complete illogical and destructive behavior, would seem logical and protective to the one seeing the world through this lens.
Then God had to begin to show me how I played into this web of deceit with my own lack of truth. First I had to realize that I had begun to serve the spirit of fear because whenever I tried to confront this behavior, not only did no good fruit come of it, but it made things worse (and I mean even if I tried to be very kind and gently). So I began to fear opening my mouth, began to withdraw and give up hope. I can tell you I desperately wanted OUT, but God would not give me leave. I realize now, but not then, that I was in the school of the Spirit. We all are, in some fashion or another.
A great measure of victory came when God awakened me to deal with this in the spirit realm of war towards the demonic influence behind it (through prayer and fasting and decrees). Much change came from that. But to my great surprise, what was left after that was the need for my husband to exercise his new freedom of choice to move forward in God and develop from the 'stuck in time' level of emotional maturity and character formation, to a place of health. This he did not choose to do to any great extent and today is not a very happy person. He is estranged from both of our sons, and has no deepness of friendship. God really does put before us life and death, and urges us to choose life........but will let US choose.
So, can these people be set free? Absolutely! God's heart yearns for them to yield to Him so that He can open the prison door. The whole dungeon of their captivity is built on an edifice of LIES. These lies have to be dismantled and only God knows the key to unlock each unique web of lies that holds these dear souls.
I am still to this day asking God more about all of this, to understand how to really get His sons and daughters free because they resist people's efforts. They usually insist on unconditional love which in their eyes, unfortunately means you say nothing about their behavior, just support however they choose to behave, no matter how distructive. This is not love, and can't be the proper response.
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Comment by Nicki on March 23, 2011 at 1:49am
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Thanks Eve for your comments. Although I do still see more areas in my life I need to move from (or am working through and moving on from).
I read something on Youtube the other day regarding the difference between a victim and a survivor. BOTH are victims but a survivor sees opotunity to escape/move on and grabs it with both hands. Whereas the other victim sees the oppotunity to move on but just cries about it ....remaining in the victim state.
Thanks for sharing about your life, I know what it feels like to be stuck in a marraige where the other person is refusing to move on and ignores any oppotunities of escape. I just thank God Im now free from it. I dont know if I could survive as you have done.
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Comment by it is me... on March 23, 2011 at 4:43am
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EG, I'm really enjoying reading about your growth experiences here, in both the initial blog and your comments hereafter. It seems to me as though some of the necessary work of the Holy Spirit is taking place already in you -- you are moving further and further into what appears to be a genuine sense of compassion toward those you perceive to be "stuck".
I think that's got to be the first work, always. Because honestly, I've never seen or known of anyone resistant against compassion. Against people they perceived as controlling, pushy or judgmental, definitely -- but never against people they truly felt had compassion for them and hadn't missed their heart in all that weighing and measuring of their behavioral patterns. What's that little saying ... "people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care" - ? Yeah, that. I think that applies here.
I'm not a big fan of people presuming they can nail others to the floor based on external matters, period. But I do think before a person should presume the right to speak into someone else's life in any sort of instructive or corrective capacity, they need to really walk with them in a supportive capacity and EARN that trust. Whether they are willing to do that or whether they just want to find fault in others at that point because they have some personal idolatry going on with regard to the matter of self-image and perceived positional entitlement mentality, in my mind speaks volumes as to whether they really have the best interest of others in mind or are simply attempting to put a spiritual facade on their own control-freak and busybody impulses. There's way far more of the latter floating about than most care to admit.
Just my observation.
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Comment by Eve's garden on March 23, 2011 at 10:30pm
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No One. Once Called 156 says:
Because honestly, I've never seen or known of anyone resistant against compassion.
Eve's Garden says:
Healthy people view compassion as a positive thing and respond in kind, while there are some very UNhealthy people who actually see compassion and kindness from others as a weakness for them to take full advantage of to get their way, even if the impact on others is destructive.
Those are the subject of this blog........people who never properly recovered (stuck) from truama from some point in their past, and who now wreck havoc in the lives of those closest to them. If compassion alone did it, there would be no need for shelters for abused women and children (and sometimes men).
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Comment by it is me... on March 23, 2011 at 11:26pm
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Hmm, well, I guess we might have to agree to disagree. I see absolutely no good, righteous, or healthy reason to deny anyone compassion. Period. I don't see removing it or denying it as doing anything but confirming whatever lies the enemy is telling them about it. Maybe you see it differently; so be it. God has us, each and all, where He wants us for His reasons.
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