Inferiority

Van Den Aardweg said gender inferiority and self-pity produces homosexuality.

He could be right.

When I talked to someone and tried to go on a date with him, we experienced each other as brothers.  As soon as I didn't see him admiring me romantically, I saw how much we enjoyed each other through deep conversation.

But it was also my public self-pity -- portrayed in a real and open way -- that is leading me to the real male friendships that I hope for, which will probably lift me out of my neurosis.  

Meanwhile, the same inferiority feelings are causing me much unnecessary anger and resentment toward people I feel inferior toward -- and restless dissatisfaction toward myself, to boot.

When I pouted hatefully, I didn't receive the comforting and encouragement I normally receive from a few of my usual friends -- especially the ones who seem only to love the mask that I put up -- but then again, it was the friends who really get where I'm coming from that engaged with me in dialogue when I was all bent out of shape.

So apparently, there are two things to consider:

- Homosexuality is very much possibly a result of gender inferiority on a deep level that was unresolved.

- However, being real about this frustrated feeling is what brought me to real assistance and gender connection.