I don't want to be friends with disciplined people

I don't want to be around people who are successful.

They make me feel like shit.

I've worked so hard just to get myself motivated to do things.

I don't even know how to get my emotional security up to the point of knowing how to ask people for help.  It takes focus just to find the right people to ask for help toward my goals.

I want to abandon the friends who make me feel like a failure.

How can people be so patient in working toward their goals?  I was patient for a while, but I needed someone to guide me.  I needed support, but I didn't have the money to get help.  I didn't find anyone that I felt comfortable asking for help. 

Why am I so undisciplined and unmotivated?

Why does God keep shoving me in front of people who are dazzlingly more successful than I am?