May Your Kingdom come
May Your desires be fulfilled on Earth
the way it is in heaven.
Provide food, clothing,
love, friendship, security,
and everything we need to survive
at all times.
In terms of my sexual identity, I have not fully decided on the path to go. I know that one friend has decided to stop talking to me because of my lack of decision to seek a heterosexual life. My other close friend has not been a very reliable friend, either, and there is indication that he would not want to hear about my thoughts or decisions.
I know for certain that I want to be healed from emotional repression issues, and God has brought this secular counselor into my life to help me─at first with sexual identity issues but now with issues of self-expression and repression.
"You have lived a lonely life," she said. "It's sad."
Really, now? Have I lived for more than 30 years in so much isolation, that I could not even express myself emotionally and on personal issues on a regular basis, with people who will accept me? Would Jesus abandon me? Would Jesus abandon me, when I choose to explore a way that is not His will?
I am glad. I am glad that I have put distance from two of my closest friends, so that I can be who I am. So that I can make my own decisions and not have to please them by making the decisions that they want me to make in order to accept me.
I no longer need to please them.
I am glad that Jesus continues to walk with me, even though I'm still unable to trust my Christian and church friends to hear my story. I am glad that He has provided regular conversation with distant friends (1 Christian, 1 non-Christian) who accept where I am and who I am, despite my imperfections or failures to conform to God's will.
I know that what He provides is Himself and other necessities, even though difficult circumstances are to be expected.