"How to duplicate Mighty Men?" - Part II ….”Intentional Accountability!”

Well, I think first of all, men in our entirety, as W@H explains so well are isolated creatures. We're not accustomed to being accountable to really anyone. It's hard enough with our wives, much less another person, whether male or female. Take for instance our wives....why is it so difficult to accept that our wives actually may really love us when they are screaming at us OR being negative or having a tirade/tantrum.

Although, on the other had, Accountability is accepted by men in other areas of our lives such as from a coach....from a "how to manual" .....from a buddy who show's you how to build that hot rod you've always wanted....or a sergeant that forces you through some tough drills.....or an employer..... as men we allow the "accountability" to be accepted, but only under our own rules.

When it comes to our own personal relationships with our wives, our children, our parents, our siblings and close buddies is when we fail miserably...."how do we trust?"...."how do we allow ourselves to be vulnerable for criticism and actually turn it around in a positive action not a negative "reaction" such as harboring bitterness or an outward defensive posture?

In our early years, probably the first 4 to 5 years, we really lived on the surface as a group. Meaning we didn't know how to go deep or what that even looked like. We all went to church and to some degree were either deacons or ministry leaders or had some level of involvement. But, actually that only made it more difficult for us. We used different books as a means to try and get deep....we tried a structured agenda with goals and tasks....we tried about everyway imaginable.

Backwoods Brothers 8th Year Anniversary

It wasn't until my separation and the events that took place including my short stint of jail time, probation, restraining orders, anger management, legal and court battles, counseling, medicine, financial destruction, that lead me to a broken place for where I found God's true calling for me.

As in most explosions, there are always others that are affected by the blast as well. Well, while my wife and I were starting the long road of recovery and restoration in our marriage, the rest of guys in my group and their wives began their own long journey of self evaluation. It hit most of them like a freight train because they sure didn't want to end up the same way Michele and I did. See on the outside, the poser side, my wife and I were almost the perfect couple. We were the typical "poster couple" and family that no one would have guessed would have ever gone through what we did.

But, it was through our separation and restoration that we affected 5 other families immediately. Then almost every family member, within my family and my wife’s family got involved in counseling and restoration of relationships. Which then eventually caused most of my guy’s families to start looking within themselves as well and yes a good portion of them went to counseling on their own to restore their issues as well.

Kirby Family less than 3 years after separation…..baby steps.

I had a first hand look at how God uses our darkest hours for His glory and how others benefit from our own issues. It took my wife and I probably 2 to 3 years initially, with probably hundreds of hours of counseling, books, and other resources to help reinvent “our marriage wheel” if you will. To this day there has been after-shocks almost 7 years later, where certain family members never forgave or never was able to really let go of hurt feelings from years ago.

You can imagine the amount of effort and emotion that it took to overhaul multiple families and relationships that come from different backgrounds with different set’s of problems and issues.

So, it was a couple years into it that “we, as a group”, after settling down some, was staring at a very large elephant in the middle of our room? If that elephant could talk, it would say something to the tune of “how in the hell are we going to ensure none of us ever….ever…go down that road again?” It was a good question.

Then it hit me. Why does a man become so intentional to succeeding at sports, or at hobbies, or at work? In those areas of our lives…we fail much of the time but we're ok to go back to the drawing board and ask "what did I do wrong?" or "how can I do it better?" Those are normal questions that we challenge ourselves with? We’ll even hire trainers or attend classes and learn how to better ourselves. We allow ourselves to be accountable...Why?...cause we find value and affirmation in those areas?

So, my question was to myself "What would happened If I approached my wife and my marriage the same way I approached my deer hunting lets say?"…which was another of my “mistresses” or “masters” or a “god in my life”.

How would I hunt that big buck? How would I identify a good property that would hold good bucks? Once I'd figure that out, I'd focus on my gear and practice my bow every day. I'd be sure my clothes are perfectly scent free. I'd continue to scout year round for good locations for my blinds / tree stands etc. When I'm hunting da' bucks, I'd make sure the wind is in my favor....my point is I was completely sold out to being an awesome big buck hunter. But, when it came to my wife and really my children for that matter....where was my sacrifice?....hhhmmm.

I’ll stop and pause here for now…and gather more questions or thoughts??