The British are Coming!

Comment

Comment by Matthew Renyard on October 6, 2011 at 3:44am

Hello fellow Brits. :0)

Comment by Paula Jones on May 25, 2010 at 11:51am

lol sacked instead of packed ,,, enjoyed the list below Pete, although we would have to keep baseball,, I never could get into cricket. Of course I do prefer paying 3.00 for our petrol and not 10.00 dollars :) Love and blessings
Paula

Michael is in the air, will pick him up at 11.00 ish tonight.

Comment by Pete UK on November 17, 2008 at 11:16am

Hmm - I wonder if our colonial friends 'Are not amused!'

Comment by Pauline on November 15, 2008 at 11:21am

loved this -but I have a sense of humour!

Comment by Pete UK on November 14, 2008 at 2:38am

An American friend of mine from RH sent me this in an e-mail. I thought we Brits woud be amused by it and perhaps some of the Americans that peruse this group might learn a little about the differences that we find so humourous!


MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist,then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

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13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!

Comment by Pete UK on November 11, 2008 at 2:50am

Hi Layman,

Well to answer your question, I learned about it from an Australian that has contact with the RH team that are taking the Bootcamp to Australia shortly.

And yes you are right that the venue does need to be away for built environment stuff, but my understanding is that the Bootcamp will be adjusted to suit the environment in which it is held. That said I think the favourite venues will provide an element of the 'wilds' if not the granduer of the Colorado Rocky Mountains!

And I pray that it comes off and that we all get to meet there.

As an add on, I think it would be good if we could all keep this hoped for new venture in our prayers - that the search for a venue will be successful, and that John and his team will feel that the decision to come her is right and is confirmed by God; and then that people will feel led to attend and that the men will meet God in a really significant way and that healing and empowering will come from it and that the result will be more events and more life in our Christian communities!

Comment by Marcus on November 10, 2008 at 4:50pm

Hi Pete, just curious to know where you managed to find out that RH are planning a bootcamp in the UK? Also, something that hasn't really been mentioned in any of the entries below that I have read is that (as far as I know) part of the WAH bootcamp things is putting you in a physically dangerous and testing environment, e.g. mountain climbing or very challenging terrain.. is that the case? And if so, shouldn't this be taken into consideration in choosing a local venue? I guess the problem is, being relatively much smaller, the more remote the location, the less likely we are to find facilities for 600 people! Anyway, hoping and praying that this will happen (and that we can all get a place, lol).. Sadly I have nowhere to suggest, but I greatly appreciate all the other people making suggestions :)

Comment by Mika on November 6, 2008 at 2:29am

Pete, some universities rent out the Student Halls during breaks, for conferences and stuff. I remember we always had to clear out our rooms at Hull so they could use them for other people - dunno if it was only for their own conferences or also those run by others, and I don't know if they still do it, but somewhere like Scarborough or York could be a good place for a WAH type event (proximity to Pennines, moors, sea...). Our hall had room for 178 folks, possibly larger universities also have larger halls?

Comment by Pete UK on November 5, 2008 at 11:13am

Thanks Laura, that is a great venue, and the guys at RH already have it tagged!

I am glad you can recommend it though, that makes the event more possible!

Comment by Laura Eades on November 5, 2008 at 5:16am

As for a venue, how about the Pioneer Centre at Cleobury Mortimer http://www.actioncentres.co.uk/pioneer-centre/index.htm. We have had 2 church weekends away there with about 300 people and there are nearby b and bs for overspill. You can run whatever programme you like and they are very accomodating and flexible. Fantastic staff and lovely place and in between Clee Hills and Wyre Forest

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