Raising Sons

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Comment by Hollyhood on April 20, 2012 at 10:51am

New to this group!  I have a middle son that is hard to communicate love to.  My husband and I both struggle with it.  He has maybe a slight Savant personality that is hard to understand.  I tell people he visits a 3rd dimention.  The thing he is really good at is living in the moment!  The problem is that he is like the dogs on the movie, "Up" when they see a squirrel.  We can't seem to get very deep before he is distracted.  He take A LOT of patience.  I want to discover what makes him feel alive.  He doesn't know how to answer that.  He is amazing at telling us what everybody else likes, but comes up empty when we ask him about himself.  God spoke to me the other day.  When I looked at my son He said, "He has a shepherd's heart."  What do I do with that?  How do you shepherd a shepherd?  LOL  I always thought it was because he was a middle child that he was hard to draw out.  This seems scattered, but is there anybody who has thoughts?     

Comment by Gary Taylor on August 31, 2010 at 10:09am

Dormant, or just "lurking"? Never mind. Still, do these two questions raise any interest?

Any body in this group have a story for us? "Us" is Matt and I looking for positive (or painful) legacy story for our book, Generational Fathering, that illustrates the impact of one generation of fathers on another? Illustrations of intentional legacy out of godliness, prayer, and generational mentoring? Or, maybe, tale of the thoughtless residue from "sins of the fathers" from which God intervene and broke grandfather's bent?

One more question: Can you or anyone you know provide an illustration of father and son (step and inlaws included, maybe an uncle or even a surrogate) working together, intentional or "just happened", to co-parent in order to amplify the potential of postive godly legacy?

Comment by Gary Taylor on August 21, 2010 at 11:24pm

Hey, gang. Looks like this has become dormant. My Generational Fathering groups has, too, but I'm reviving it. I've been focusing on my blog and social media development they now tell us is necessary to attract publishers. But, considering the noble headers and intent, I thought all of you ought to consider the thesis of the book as one signficant tool in the raising of those wild and wooly sons (I was just with three of them at the Destruction Derby as part of our little Utah county fair, and boy oh boy do they love destruction!). Please permit a moment of nearly shameless promotion of the new blog my soninlaw and I just launched. It will explain what we're up to and why we think it's on target for sons: www.GENDADS.com

Comment by Jennifer Fletcher on April 24, 2010 at 11:10am

New to the site but quite interested in how your son and you are doing, Claire. I am a registered nurse and licensed mental health counselor...your plight is near and dear to my heart. I'm wondering if time and treatment has begun to even things out a bit for your son...

Comment by Kyle Lassiter on April 3, 2010 at 9:30am

Claire, Dawn is correct there are dietary things that can help. Sometimes, perhaps many times, a child's problems can be caused by mild to moderate dietary allergies, chemicals in their system, etc. Increased aggression can be caused by the brain's intolerance for chemicals, but it can also be caused by our estrogen dominated/effeminate oriented schools that reject everything to do with what is boyish and masculine.

Methylphenidate is ritalin and I don't care for ritalin because it goes up and down so fast. (In other words, in most people it is eliminated to quickly.) I like adderall much better and there is a generic time released version of adderall I like even better.
I am a therapist and life coach and in my therapy practice one of my specialties is adolescents. I work with adolescents almost full time during my regular day job, and I am ADHD, so in many cases I have tried these drugs and am speaking from my experience with hundreds of kids, plus my own.
The beauty of trying medications is they're in and out ofthe system in hours, so you can get a quick view of what will help.
My question is, what level of aggression are we talking about. In many places a male child with the aggression level of tinkerbelle is sanctioned. So I'm curious about your assessment.
One problem is that people tend to put off dealing with these problems until they are the worst they can get and the kid is getting kicked out of school. do not do that, early failure tends to stay with boys their whole lives.
How old is he compared to his classmates is also an issue. IF he is younger than they, I have seen problems, though also older than they. Is he a kid that barely made it into his grade level by age?

Comment by Gary Taylor on February 21, 2010 at 11:22pm

New member. Missed the startup of this group. Do I look like a "father"? More like a grandfather, right? Thus, the book my soninlaw (best friend and adolescent therapist) are getting started. For the fathering side, we advocate fathers of fathers bringing the values of generational cultures together is one answer. Grandpa, are you paying attention? We've just launched a web site as a platform for the book. Consider dipping in. Would appreciate comments, even a critique. Gals, you, too. My daughter got my son in law and I moving on the same track. Look at www.generationalfathering.com. You can get back to us at garyandmatt@gendads.com

Comment by Dawn on January 8, 2010 at 7:57am

Hi Claire,

I am a Special Education Teacher and there are many things you can do other than drugs for your child. Parents often take the easy road of giving drugs to their child that the hard road of changing their diet. It is very hard to change your complete life style for one child, especially if you have more. Let me know if you are interested in hearing more and I can guide you in the right direction. There are natural alternatives that can help your child which I believe is worth a try.

Comment by Claire on December 7, 2009 at 1:43pm

Hi People,
I to i'm looking for some advise and lots of prayer, my 8 year old son has been diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). It is getting worse and he has started to become aggressive. We have been offered drugs to help, but i am unsure what to do for the best.
Methylphenidate the drug offered has so many different write ups.
I have prayed and prayed on what to do for the best.
If anyone knows about this drug or would just like to join me in prayer i would really appreciate it.

Comment by Timothy Alan Anderson on May 25, 2009 at 2:49pm

I am suddently going to be single due to a pending divorce. I have two beautiful boys who spend all their time w/ me since I am a teacher and we are on the same schedule. I will be moving into a a condo this summer. I need advice on how to transition into this new phase of parenting. I want my home to be theirs. I want to be the father they need me to be. I want to initiate them into an authentic manhood. Right now I feel like I am being ripped away from them and that the daily bond of just being in proximity to each other will be destroyed. How do I make that up? I don't want to be a Disney dad but won't have the same things as in the past (garage, yard, tools, shed, etc.) that we can share together in the course of a regular day. I don't want a forced and uncomfortable relationship because my life has changed so dramatically. Any thoughts and or help would be great. God Bless.

Comment by Mel McMullen on March 16, 2009 at 4:47pm

Loni,
I had a llok at your beautiful site Of Matthew and wow what a wake up.My son Josh came home from school and I casually asked him if he knew of any chocking game..as I was getting him a drink and toast..he said what you mean like arm wrestle , we dont chock we just wrestle.I was relieved for a min then it hit me that I cannot let my guard down with boys (or any child) for a min Satan wants their minds hearts and I have seen the damage of that and boy it is a battle hey!
You toch lives Loni and God is and will continue to use you in this- Thankyou for making me aware of it. By the way your childran are just beautiful, i would have liked more children, but my health now is a problem and age is kreeping up so this may have to be it for me. Your daughters warmed my heart, what a joy to see those children daily and know that you have increased God's family. I am proud of you for working at your marriage, I know too well how that is hard.Have you seen the movie Fireproof? My hubby and I did it and are doing the LOve dare at the moment..it is worth looking at it is a christian movie about marriage..Bless you have to go sorry I would love to keep chatting . I have to make my son an outfit for a Billycart race at school..Love Mel

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