Wanting to be beautiful/attractive and wanting to be a priority only a feminine thing? Or if not, then what?
I posted this question on the facebook page for John Eldredge and Ransomed Heart Ministries, and a woman I know tried to give her best answer, which was somewhat helpful, but I'm still searching for a more satisfying answer. Here's what I posted:
OK...I just read through a lot of Wild At Heart and liked a lot of it...but the one thing where I feel left out to dry is how "wanting to feel beautiful" and "wanting to be someone's priority" are distinctly feminine thing. I am a man and I (DEEPLY, not just a little bit) want to feel that I am beautiful (of course some will find that a bad word to describe a man, so "attractive" if you please, and in a physical sense) and that I am worth being someone's priority. I hate the idea that I'll be having sex with my wife someday and she'll be loving it because I'm making her feel beautiful but that's the only reason she's into it; she won't feel any reciprocal or equivalent type of desire for me. Also, going back on the desire to be someone's priority...I've basically been in three relationships where I was pursuing someone wholeheartedly and they simply lost interest. So I have a hole in my heart and I feel like I will never be worth someone's time after a few dates. So does all that mean I'm more of a woman than a man? Or, if it doesn't and my desires are legitimate, then what is distinct about men and women after all?
Any help?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Paul W. Biggs on -
HOWDY BRAD; The questions, you ask are legimate questions, but maybe your wording could be changed a little! Man and woman, are similar to a point, both has a need to be desired and wanted. Men in a lot of cases, not all, are taught, speaking from my own experiences. To always do your best to take care of family. To provide, protect, and be there for them when at all possible! Women are not much different, they provide care,love, support, and the desire to make what ever they have, be enough, whether it's food, clothing, or what ever. We look at our roles as a man, a woman, a dad, mom, but! never to forget, ya got to have each others back, regardless. Rich or poor, comfortable or paycheck to paycheck! As a person we still keep our own identity, to lose it we lose ourselves, we are no good to anyone, THE SNOWBALL ELEMENT! I think, before we can even try to evaluate our circumstances, we have to ask ourselves this question: DO I LIKE MYSELF?, CAN I BE ALONE AND BE HAPPY.? Then evaluate, If I don't like myself or can't be alone at times and be okay with that, WELL: WHY WOULD SHE LIKE YOU, HOW COULD YOU EXPECT HER, TO BE ALONE WITH YOU? I know ,that it doesn't answer all questions, but, maybe a good place to start! It all has to start with you as an individual. No one, can make you feel any other way than how you feel, they may try to change the way you handle it! I've dealt with a lot of depression, the thought of feeling worthless can be on an everday basis. God , opened my eyes to something, that I never forgot: I MADE YOU, I MOLDED YOU TO EXACTLY, BE WHO YOU SHOULD BE! i CREATED YOU ALL IN MY OWN IMAGE, I PUT LIFE IN THAT MOLD. WHAT, CAN YOU SAY? GOD DON'T MAKE NO JUNK! And that cannot be worthless! It's of high value ! He made us to have fellowship with him and each other. To support, to love, in a way only GOD can love! We can not do anything about the past, it's gone, we can't do anything about tomorrow, it's not here yet! Live for today, think for today, love for today! Ya never know what tomorrow may bring! I would tell you, that if you wanted to feel good looking( man's version of pretty) Go for it, but IT CAN ONLY START WITHIN YOU , CAUSE THE SPIRIT INSIDE ALL OF US IS WHO WE REALLY ARE! And, if your spirit is feels loved, that only can come from your relationship with the FATHER! Than my friend, how can your out side not. be handsome, or good looking, It's all up to you and no one else! Stop trying to predict the future, of what your wife will or will not do! YA CAN'T! ADIOS FOR NOW, i hope this will help or encourage you, it sure lifted my spirits, just to talk about it! OL'E COWPOKE
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Permalink Reply by Brad Rock on -
Thanks for the encouragement Paul, but I think you're kind of missing my point. I'm not simply looking to feel more self-esteem; I'm trying to understand what exactly it truly means to be a man (or for women to be a women) and how it should shape the way I am/what to make of my desires based on that.
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Permalink Reply by Paul W. Biggs on
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Hey Brad, I do tend to carry out a point, sometimes,and can miss the exact reason for the question in the first place. And get a little dramatic at times, sorry about that pardner. I would say than, Are you honest with yourself about your feelings? Or are you waiting to be told, what kind of man you are, we are what we are born to be. Why would someone , have to answer a question, you already know. Ya know, In my working cowboy day's, To cowboy up, meant to get it done regardless of what it took. And I would come up on a cowboy, I thought. I never saw the face,I just watched them handle themselves ,out in the pens. When they turned and headin back where a few of us was just , whatever. I looked up. and lo and behold, If was girl, later on she replied cowgirl if ya please! What i guess I'm trying to say is, You can't put a brand stamp on anybody. We are all individuals, what makes a woman or man in town, can be quite different out working cattle. It just wouldn't work! Don't shape your life on what others think, it will never work, ya got to keep that person you know you want to be, Per:JOHN WAYNE: A MAN'S GOTTA DO WHAT MAN' S GOTTA DO! Brad, I hope that was closer to the point you were trying to get at. But sometimes this ol'e cowboy can look at a thing and call it for what it is, and never try to change it! I pray the LORD, will help ya, and guide you on the path he has already set for you. OL'E COWPOKE
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